.. su única princesa de puerco ..

9.30.2005

pulling myself together

decided to do some blogging...
cuz i cant seem to concentrate on anything else as of this moment...
i still cannot believe that a relationship that i treasured so much..
would come to such an ending over an unrelated mahjong game...
spent some happy times together.. and i dont think i'll ever forget..

have stuffed away the things that is related to him..
i wont bear to throw these things away... cuz im a sentimentalist..
typical of a cancerian girl.. i love keeping momentos..
listening to Jay Chou's "Jie Kou" now..
and it aptly describes my feelings..

but sadly, he couldnt forgive me.. not even for a small matter..
was looking through a picture we took.. the only pic we took..
i really dont mind if there's no future if he just takes back his word..
i just hope he'll remember me.. and the passion we once shared..

anyway.. here's something my dear little sister wrote for me..
somehow, she overheard us that night...
and wrote this that very morning.. just for me...

Reasons for me to let go.

no family acceptance:
this is the very basic... none of them are going to like him..
he's a jerk:
hasnt he proved himself enough? he's no match to even a friend of hers!
he doesn't love me anymore:
truth hurts but i've gotta accept it...
be the predator NOT the prey:
let him be what i caught to play with, not the other way round!
he's not worth it:
really, the one who is worth my tears will never make me cry. besides, no one is worth my tears. obviously not him...
nothing's going to change:
he wont learn how to love. after so long, no matter what i do wont change his mind already.. don't continue to try to salvage anything...
let it be a battle beautifully fought:
isn't it better to save myself some dignity and walk away quietly...?
love from my friends and family:
is that not enough? i think it is...
remember, even this will end:
the longer i hold on, the more emotions i'll hafta grapple with and the more painful it will be...

"never, never let anyone hold your emotions at their fingertips..."
- quoted by -Huishi-

i've put in alot of my feelings.. a whole lot of emotions...
only to be treated like trash in the very end...
i've learnt a lesson.. and learnt it the hard way....
for now, my friends and family will be my top priority...
so will my studies.. just let me have the weekend off for now..
starting next week, you'll see a brand new Huiyan..
trust me on this.. i'll pia for my studies and work....

also.. i've decided to go along to Yean's company...
i dont think i can even work in a place with him around..
so for now.. i'll just hafta wait for my pass to expire..
cuz i have no idea where is it!! lols..

i love all those people who has given me advice..
mom, sis, baoyan, shilin, diana, lina, giles, jason baby..
those who stood by me.. and is still standing by me through this rough journey that i'll be trying to overcome..
with all those obstacles there.. picking me up when i fall..
just remember that Huiyan will always treasure you bunch of people..
even if she herself aint being treasured and cherished..
she'll still give part of her love and care to each and every one of you people out there..
just dont toy with her feelings..
dont ever do that.. cuz she will never be able to take it anymore..
and you'll just see her collapsing..
and i doubt she'll be able to stand up on her own two feet anymore..

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/30/2005 02:19:00 PM

9.29.2005

OFFICIALLY SINGLE

yesh~ that's what i am today..
i've not been the Huiyan that everyone else knows...
right now.. i shall slowly evolve back to the person i used to be..
and for NOW!! i shall love my sister..
even thou she's the sister from hell..
MUAHAHAHA~~

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/29/2005 06:35:00 PM

praying

im just hoping.. praying and hoping for a miracle..
im at a loss right now..
but i thank those around me for their support..
this is going to be hard for me..
but i'll perserve.. cause i know there can be miracles..
tml is a better day!
i know it.. and im going to embrace it with every little bit of me..

and i just want you to know that...
i really do love you..

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/29/2005 12:32:00 AM

9.26.2005

sister from hell

bloody asshole... i hate my sister to the core as of right now..
i bet she's a devil reincarnated.. bloody bitch..
selfish.. and she bloody knows how to 'kill' someone with her words..
just got stabbed so badly..
everything MUST be to her advantage liddat...
why?? cuz she's SHORT?! my arse.. @^#^@(#%^@*($#%^@*($!@!
i hope she rots away from my life.. NOW!

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/26/2005 10:42:00 PM

will it end

its already been 5 days... and counting..
is it going to end...?
probably no one would know what i speak of..
but all forms of strength has started decomposing away..

meekly, all i can manage is a soft 'help'....
but is anyone.. anyone willing to lend a hand...?
im losing control.. the mask is slowly shattering..

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/26/2005 12:09:00 PM

9.25.2005

impt three-word phrases

I'II BE THERE:
If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to take a sick child to a hospital, or when your car has broken down some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase "I'll be there." Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to them and us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.

I MISS YOU:
Perhaps more marriages could be saved and strengthened if couples simply and sincerely said to each other "I miss you." This powerful affirmation tell partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved. Consider how ecstatic you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call from your spouse in the middle of your workday, just to say "I miss you."

I RESPECT YOU:
Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that another person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if they were adults, you will strengthen the bonds and become close friends.This applies to all inter-personal relationships.

MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT:
This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring frayed emotions. The flip side to "maybe you're right" is the humility of admitting, "Maybe I'm wrong". Let's face it. When you have a heated argument with someone, all you do is cement the other person's point of view. They, or you, will not change their stance and you run the risk of seriously damaging the relationship between you. Saying "maybe you're right" can open the door to further explore the subject, in which you may then have the opportunity to get your view across in a more rational manner.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME:
Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

I THANK YOU:
Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.

COUNT ON ME:
A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there indicating you can "count on me."

LET ME HELP:
The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a hurt, they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and help.

I UNDERSTAND YOU:
People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know in so many little ways that you understand them, is one of the most powerful tools for healing your relationship. This applies to any relationship.

I LOVE YOU:
Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone that you truly love them satisfies a person's deepest emotional needs; the need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your family, your friends and you, all need to hear those three little words. "I love you."

these are all quite true huh??
quite a few phrases are what i wanna say right now..
but i wonder... will they ever be said back to me??
probably not... not now.. not ever..

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/25/2005 11:35:00 PM

notice me

~ By: NB RIDAZ

Ohh I wanna let you know
That I'll always love you baby

Sometimes I think about
Everything that we've been through
And I pray that you would just open your eyes
I love you I need you
So please don't throw our love away

Since the day you and I snuck away to be alone
I knew from that night something special went on
It must have been the first kiss
You told me that nobody else in the world made you feel this
I felt the same way too but nothing stays the same
I'm sorry for the tears
I'm sorry for the pain
You were the one that always made things right
I promise you this though you got a friend for life
Maybe one day we can try it again
And maybe things can be a little different
So lets just kiss and say goodbye
Cuz I really cant stand the pain of seeing you cry

I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me
I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me

All that is mine is yours that's what I said
Treat you with love and respect in everyway
You wanted I gave you need me I was there
Now you treat me like if I'm not here
I love you and I need you don't wanna let go
If you want somebody else please let me know
Can't take it no more I feel I'm dying inside
Is this the price I pay for handing you my life?
I know I'm not perfect but I truly cared
So when you wake up one morning and I'm not there
Just remember I loved you it will never be the same
Gave you everything and you threw it all away

I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me
I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me

I gave you my good and my bad
My heart and my soul,
My trust my money my time,
What more could you ask from a man
Even when times are hard I held out my arms and held you
Even accepted you though whatever weather
But now I feel it we're at the end of the rope
Whatever we had now I gotta let go
Nights like this I wish raindrops would fall
To cover my tears
Wishing I could replace all those wasted years
Of loving someone who couldn't love me back
And now again I gotta start from scratch
But I know I've given you my everything

I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me
I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/25/2005 03:37:00 PM

happy

whew.. my friends just went home from my place.. haha..
played mahjong but stopped at the South Wind..
had 2 newbie players.. my sis plus herman..
had frustrations while playing.. cuz herman very slow......
thank god never play money.. or else i think i lose alot.. haha..

well.. went for steamboat buffet with baoyan, huishi, victor, kenny, herman, kengseng, leehong, eugene and victor's fren..
cant remember his name though.. lols..
and within the few hours we met, he knew that im a crazy woman already.. haha..
was really full when i went for the buffet..
cuz had claypot rice with yean they all at 3 plus liddat..
then came home, sleep.. pig sia......
had alot of fun while with my friends..
although its not the full force.. but they made me forget alot of things..
felt really blessed to have such friends... even thou they make me so fired up ALL the time!!
then after that...... came back to bugis..
and chilled out at starbucks..
until we were chased away.... then decided to play mahjong at my place..
had to use the carrom board and MY blanket cuz i dont have the table..
well.. shall not go into details..
and just post some pics to share!! hehe..

at Chomp Pang..
hmm.. here's me and baoyan..posing for the shot.. say cheese!!

quick!! give us our food!!

at starbucks.. everyone warming up...
3 idiots... smiling toot-ily..

now 2 of the trying to act cute.. muahaha...

victor's friend... they're talking abt maple story... -_-;;

'sniper' at taking photos.. lol..

"argh!! dont take my pic!!" - victor..

the fan that was making all of us giddy.....

apparently... i was DAMN bored at that particular moment...

enjoying our coffee...

and some other random shots...

haa.. cant wait for the next outing out with my pals..
hopefully see more pple.. like some who always MIA..
and those who heavy colour light friends.....
then can go biatching together again!! muahaha...
in case u guys dont know..... my guy friends are 'BIATCHES' too...
ultra gossip-y.. haha... and ultra irritating..
but also ultra entertaining too...
here's to the BIATCHES~~ cheers!!

okie dokes... off to sleep i go!!
and its already 3.46am for goodness sake..
gotta wake up at 8am for tuition...
damnit.... dont think im going to work tmr..
got 2 tests coming up next week.. on mon and wed..
and i've studied peanuts on either of them!!
argh!! bye!!

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/25/2005 03:07:00 AM

9.20.2005

3rd month

well.. we celebrated our 3rd month together yesterday..
quite happy cuz we spent some time together..
but we had pizza hut for dinner instead of him cooking..
haha.. but its all right..
i enjoyed the time i spent with him.. =)
and he got me 2 gifts.. while i dint buy anything for him..
was quite bad of me too...
and he was 'sulking' cuz of that.. haha..
why did he get me 2 gifts?? cuz he wanted to see if i was disappointed or not..
well, sad to say... I'M NOT!! bleh~~
he first got me the sims 2 expansion pack.. which i had wanted to buy for quite some time already..
then in order to see if i was going to be disappointed at all, he went to buy chocs that are of abt the same dimensions...
wrapped it in the same wrapping paper.. and gave that one to me first to see what my reaction was going to be...
i was really glad he got me something cuz i dint get him any..
then after some time, he gave me the actual present..
haha.. how lame can u get, baby??
and dont make me seem so mercenary can?!

anyway.. here are some pics to share.. =P

the presents he got me..

here's the sims one...

and the 'psuedo' one.. aka the chocs..

hmmm... and guess what??
the presents werent wrapped by him!!
but by his brother..... *momentary silence....*
apparently, he has got butter fingers and cant wrap presents..
all he did was....

and he did not freaking remove the price tag!!

and you muz be wondering by now...
what the hell is 'KOTSTAK' ....??
ok.. apparently, he and a friend of his call the useful 'SCOTCHTAPE' that..
they had wanted to go disturb the bookstore assistant..
asking them for 'KOTSTAK' instead of 'SCOTCHTAPE'...
haa... i hafta apologise on his behalf for his lame-ness...

and well.. here's to his 'KOTSTAK' frenzy...

KOTSTAK GALORE~!!
ok.. so they're just scotchtape.. from the presents.. LoL..
im beginning to be as lame as he is now..
muz be spending too much time with him and picking up his lame-ness..
SOMEBODY, HELP ME!!

haha... ok.. im off to play my sims now!!
cant wait to see how the expansion pack is like!
ciao~ *runs off in excitement...*

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/20/2005 12:36:00 PM

9.18.2005

happy birthday avril

happy birthday to you girl!!
finally reached the big 2 already.. haha...
miss u lots babe..
too bad we cant celebrate it together with you this year..
but its ok... =)
have a great day ahead today, k??
love ya~

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/18/2005 12:00:00 AM

9.16.2005

partyworld @ 10.09.05

well.. went to partyworld near maxwell market to celebrate victor's enlistment...
i still cant get over the fact that vic needs a celebration when he's just going to the police academy..
he's still staying in the main island, for god's sake...
edwin they all go tekong we also never celebrate..
dunno why his face so big sia.. tmd..
anyway.. pics we took~

wth is this!! Jay Chou wannabe?!

now look at this..... Elvis wannabe perhaps?? haha..

lol.. now for some spastic pics...

here's baoyan, me and my sis...

edwin, kenny and huishi..

and some candid ones...

battle of the pinches: victor vs eugene..

lets see who bites harder... me or sis....??

a lobster-red herman.. and edwin..

OMG!! is that a scandal i see?? ah doi!! baoyan! u got bf liao~

okay....... whose finger is that?? kenny's or huishi's.....??

ok.. now for some 'normal' ones...

battle of the voices.. me vs sis..

a drunk victor being 'fed' the mic by herman..

here's my fave pic.. hehe.. in tribute to my baby who was bitten by a dog.. lol..

alright.. grand finale!! GROUP PHOTO~!

from left: kenny, huishi, ya(w)nz, victor, eugene(small), eugene(big), baoyan, herman, edwin

yay~ thats a little photo blog of our outing..
looking forward to another outing with my pals.. lol
probably next sunday.. thinking of going to the zoo..
shall ask people later today.. muahaha..
cant wait.. ciao~

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/16/2005 11:44:00 AM

sending avril off

ok.. i know this has been quite some time already..
but some people just wont take the initiative to send the pics to others..
so i had to go to her friendster page to 'steal' it..
wth... hate this kind of people sia...
and she dare to put up only one... bloody hell..
anyway, this photo looks much better than those edwin sent..
haa.. so here goes..

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/16/2005 11:40:00 AM

9.09.2005

*NEW* SONG LIST

hmm.. been wanting to add a song list for quite some time already..
finally had time to do changes to my blog template..
now u guys can choose from 10 different songs..
and now listen to the same old boring one over and over again..
just one thing.. i dunno how to make it like a playlist yet..
you know.. like one song to the next and then the next..
this song list plays only ONE song, over and over...
im still trying to figure out the html but im kinda brain-dead already...
shall try again when i feel like it again.... =P

now as u can see, the song list is at the bottom right corner of the page..
so... go ahead and choose the song you like out of the 10..
play it... and read my blog while enjoying the song!!
hehe....

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/09/2005 06:20:00 PM

mad dog disease

oooh... just got home from my boy's place..
he just got bitten by his god-ma's dog last night..
had to go get a jab on his butt and he's like all whine-y and stuff..
see him liddat oso abit heart pain..
macham like half-bedridden liddat..
but he says its only a quarter-bedridden..
cuz its only his lower left side of the body which is numb and hurting..
then he walks like he's crippled liddat...
and he keeps saying he's growing whiskers...
haiz......hao duan duan de kenna dog bite...
and his MSN nick like so proud of it..
acting as if he really has the mad dog disease.....
"Don't make me bite you! GRRR" .... -___-;;

i wonder how is he going to suffer later today..
and he still want to go to his fren's chalet..
i bet he'll be lying on the bed there and whining again soon...
haa... just hope the numbness and ache would go away soon..
then he can enjoy the chalet lar...

and he better stop smoking after his fren's chalet ends.....
haa..

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/09/2005 04:52:00 PM

9.08.2005

longest yard

just watched 'the longest yard' today..
very nice show.. damn hilarious..
but also quite meaningful... to me, that is..
then it made me remember the days that i played rugby at the padang back in my pri sch days..
damn fun.. i kinda like rugby..
but dint have it as a cca in my sec sch..
then kinda lost touch with it....
now im wondering why dint i join the touch rugby team back in jc..
haa... well, it doesnt matter..
its a nice show.. and im recommending it to all you pple out there..
not going to reveal anything abt it..
partly cuz im lazy.. but also cuz i dun wanna spoil it for you guys..
alright.. heading to bed already..
damn tired.. and i've sch tmr.. shit..

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/08/2005 01:07:00 AM

9.06.2005

30 things abt girls

woo... just got back from window shopping at citilink and suntec..
alone... which was quite sad...
but the window shopping was so impromptu..
who am i supposed to ask at such late notice...?
but well.. had some time to myself.. thought abt a few things..
cleared some of my thoughts..
it wasnt that bad shopping alone too..
but it sure was a little lonely..
anyway.. window shopping is still bad...
its supposed to be WINDOW shopping..
but i ended up buying stuff.. haa.. there goes my money again..

well.. went blog-surfing once i got home..
and i think this is something that's quite true...
just something i took from someone else's blog...
haa.. im sure some girls would agree with me...

1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't crying, it means she's crying in her heart.
2. When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best to give her sometime to cool down before touching her heart with an apology.
3. A girl can't find anything to hate about the guy she loves (which is why it is so hard for her to 'get over him' after the relationship's over.)
4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.
5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she will melt.
6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually not sure how to react to them.
7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go easy on the smiles and stares, ok?
8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, break it to her gently.
9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you still treat her as a friend, talk to her.
10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel. Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways of expressing themselves (which explains why most girls like writing journals).
11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in anyway.
12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.
13. When the guy she likes calls her for the first time, the girl may act uninterested during the call. But as soon as the phone is back on the hook, she will whoop with joy and immediately start telephoning her friends to spread the news.
14. A smile means a lot to a girl.
15. If you like a girl, try making friends with her first. Let her get to know you.
16. If a girl says she can't go out with you because she has to study, leave.
17. But if she still calls you or expect a call from you, stay.
18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her.
19. Hearing the words "I love you" is a great reassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.
20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'll wonder why she never noticed him before.
21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl, read romance stories.
22. When class pictures come out, a girl would first check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.
23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her heart.
24. Girls love having fun!
25. A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.
26. A girl's best friends usually know best what she is feeling and going through.
27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close to their 'prettier' friend.
28. Love means devotion, caring and happiness to a girl, in that order.
29. Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will love and care for them.
30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.

i hope this gives guys a better idea how to treat girls around them..
let the girls feel that there's still love in this world...

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/06/2005 01:38:00 PM

stupid

imma stupid, careless, bloody idiot...
bloody hell... you muz be wondering why am i scolding myself right??
well... cuz..... I LOST SOMETHING TODAY!!
and im so damn freaking pissed with myself... grrr..

so wat did i lose exactly.....??
well... a light blue eeyore zip pouch with an EZ-link card, which was just topped up yesterday.. and 10 bucks!!
bloody hell.. think i dropped it at the interchange..
but when i went there to look for it after my lessons..
i couldnt find it!! *cries out loud...*
screw me!! why the hell am i so damn careless?!
i never fail to lose something every now and then...

but there was something good.. had some luck today too..
i actually put in 110 bucks in that pouch..
thank god i went to deposit $100 into my posb acc this morning...
or else i'll really scold the shit out of me...
and wat i should have done this morning at city hall mrt...
was to top up my bloody farecard with that $10 note..
which i didnt......... and ended up losing an extra 10 bucks..

going back to check again later today..
i sure hope some kind soul picked it up and returns it to the lost-and-found place at the interchange...
and i shall also go ask the lost-and-found section in sch..
i do hope i can get it back..
got quite a few pieces of papers inside..
dunno what have i scribbled on it..
but hopefully... they're not important stuff or anything...

argh... bless me in my 'Find the Pouch' mission!!

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/06/2005 12:21:00 AM

9.05.2005

crazy

well.. was told that i was crazy..
perhaps i am... i think i am now too..
or perhaps i was just too demanding..
but all that i want is to be happy...
maybe.. thats too demanding...
but is it wrong to want to be happy....?
i dont know..
i never seem to know anything anymore..
haa...

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/05/2005 06:05:00 AM

9.04.2005

really worth nothing

im really worth nothing...
not worth promises that were meant to be kept..
apparently, they're supposedly meant to be broken each and every time..
everything you told me yesterday was just sweet talk...
they were just things you never intended to carry out...
and now.. its my fault for even bothering to call..
forget it..
thanks for having to let me realise on my own that you never intended to carry out any of your 'so-called' intentions..
thanks for letting me feel like a fool..
thanks for letting me know that i was wrong to wake up early..
thanks for letting me have high hopes but letting me down again..
thanks for letting me try to rebuild my world, not even halfway there yet.. but just to let it start crashing down on me again..
thanks for letting me know that i indeed mean nothing to you..

im really hurt.. really..

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/04/2005 08:36:00 AM

9.03.2005

im so hurt

the pain im feeling now is so unbearable..
and it doesnt help with the kind of music my sis put in the windows media player's playlist...
since 2 plus today, i msged him..
then called at 4 plus.. all the way to 6 plus..
10 over calls.. but he dint even picked it up..
i was so worried, thought something happened to him or something..
then at 6 plus, he msn me..
turns out he was at home the whole time..
what a fool i was.. worrying for someone who's at home..
and he dint even think of me till then...
told me he woke up at 1 plus... but for the 5 plus hours, he dint even think of me..
and i was so worried about him that i was crying..
and even when he checked his phone, he dint even have the initiative to call me back...
this kind of thing must ask one isit?? cannot just call back on your own accord, muz i tell u to call then can call one isit??
do u know how hurt i was??
you couldnt even just gimme a call at say 3 plus to say ur at home or something...
had to make me worry all the while.. but ur just at home, doing nothing..
i cant believe you never even thought of me the whole time..
its really really REALLY damn heart aching, do you know that....??
worrying abt u the whole time but u cant even spare me 5 mins to just call me and talk..
even if ur phone is on silent, you couldnt bother to go check to see if i smsed or called or anything...
what am i to you??
if you're out to hurt me, time and time again..
i beg of you to stop... maybe your other gfs can take it..
but i cant.. i've been hurt more than enough..
just for you alone, i cant remember how many nights have i cried myself to sleep..
just cause of you.. i dunno the number of times where i just cry in the toilet by myself...
even on the train.. i can find myself crying like an idiot..

please.. if you enjoy hurting a girl's fragile heart so much...
i beg of you to go find some other girl...
and let me recover fully..
i cannot keep track of how many times my heart's been broken..
before its even healed, you had to break it once again..
do i even mean anything to you??
i doubt u do... from today's actions, i really doubt you do...
im really hurt by the fact that you dint even think of me all this while.. but i was stupidly worrying for you, thought you got into a freak accident or something.. crying like a stupid fool..
and all you can do is ask me to forget it...
but how can i?! its so damn hurting!!
you have never thought of my goddamn feelings.. never ever..
instead of coaxing me, u just want me to forget the whole thing..
as if it dint happen liddat..
but i tell you.. i cant..
all i get from worrying abt you, is a heck care attitude..
i dont think i did anything to deserve it at all..
no coaxing.. but all reprimanding..

i really dont deserve all this cuz i bothered abt you..
whereas i was just a nobody all the while to you..
really... i really really did nothing to be put thru all this pain..

and i really think you never loved me..
never cared about my feelings..
and never bothered how im doing at anytime of the day..
am i really that worthless a gf to you??
not even worth a phone call.. or even some time to accompany me??
not even some effort to meet me for dinner??
if i am.. then lets stop this whole r/s stuff..
i dont want to cry anymore.. like a stupid fool all the time..
and you dont even care whether i was crying my heart out or not..
i dint get into a r/s to get hurt time and time again..
but since dunno when.. that's all you offered to me..

am i really a nobody to you??

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/03/2005 07:21:00 PM

over

well.. war is over already... =)
hmm.. its something good... its damn tiring in war even though i wasnt doing anything... haa...

why is it over?? guess its something he did ba..
i went to tampines after sch today.. cuz i wanted to get my bodyshop items from the roadshow there.. damn cheap mah..
wat to do?? im a girl leh.. see something on sale, muz buy mah..
somemore its something that i wanna get too...
after i reached there, decided to go browse around some shops in TM and century square before heading to the roadshow and buy my stuff before heading home..
but while i was in the very first store i stepped into in TM, he called me..
caught me by surprise too.. i tot he was in sch already..
turns out that he dint have lessons in the morning.. and he somehow overslept for the afternoon one..
then he called his frens but i think none of them were going...
so well.. he called to ask where am i.. so i told him im in tamp..
so then we met..
and he passed me da bodyshop items that i had wanted to buy..
somehow.. just couldnt bear to be angry anymore.. haha...

after that, met his bro n his bro's fren for lunch..
genki sushi.. da chicken katsu rice is so damn filling lar..
then watched 'the flintstones' on hbo at his place.. damn hilarious lar..
wanted to go the computer exhibition..
but ended up going back to his place for mahjong cuz his lao er was home..
and lost quite a sum of money.. and he paid for me..
i better return it to him.. feel so bad..
everytime i lose, he pay.. >.<
after one round, mom called and had to leave..
i think they wanted to play another round..
but oh well.. too bad.. haha..
i also wanted to play.. to win back some money..
but better not lar.. today like quite down on my luck.. hee..

okie dokies... imma going to bed now..
gotta give tuition tmr morning.. haa..
i've got soooo many things to do.. but so little time....
argh~!! aites.. later people~~

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/03/2005 12:19:00 AM

9.02.2005

this is war

its been a day plus already....
but still.. no sms, no calls..
ok, there was ONE.. one pathetic one...
but it was to ask for someone else's number..
and he's also avoiding me online...
fine, i've officially declared war...
i think i have had enough of it..
and i did not do anything to deserve any of it...

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/02/2005 08:30:00 AM

9.01.2005

call him mine

I can call him mine

It was only a matter of time
Before I got tired of your ways
I tried to make you fire,
But you were only ice
And you didn't seem to wanna change

So then I looked at someone new
And he was looking back at me too
Saw that I was hurt
Knew just what to say
Knew just how to push the pain away

You know I need stability
And you know you can't give it to me

My sun may never rise the way it did with you,
And he may never kiss me the way that you'd do
But at least he makes me feel like a part of his life
At least he doesn't make me cry
I know I can call him mine

Though when I call him on the phone
I never feel butterflies
I know that I can trust
He'll always give me love
And I know mine will grow for him in time

He tells me that I'm beautiful
And I never ever heard that from you
He doesn't cause me pain
Tears falling like the rain
And though I'm still in love with you
You know I need stability

It wasn't easy letting go but I know that I had to think of the long run and say goodbye
And find someone who appreciates me even though even though.....

My sun may never rise the way it did with you
And he may never ever kiss me the way that you'd do, that you'd do...

The sun may never rise again like it did with you
And he may never ever kiss me the way you'd do
But at least he makes me feel like I'm a part of his life
He doesn't make me cry
Doesn't make me cry
He doesn't make me cry
I know I can call him mine

-Tata Young "Call Him Mine"

posted this song's lyrics cuz.. just felt that its how i feel right now..
been crying so many times.. my eyes are still swollen as of now..
i wish there's this someone who can take away this misery as of now..
but sadly.. there isnt any.. maybe i'll find that someone soon..
for now.. i'll just let my feelings go..
and not think too much about it..

Princess Hyuain â¢ ranted
@ 9/01/2005 08:38:00 PM